004 // The Things

There are certain happenings and times in your life that you will never forget – you're biggest accomplishments, the first time you kiss that girl you call your wife or the guy you call your husband, that trip to Mexico; the list goes on and on.

I am a bit forgetful at times – I'll forget your name, that time we had together, whatever – but the one thing that I never forget about and, in fact, think about everyday is loss. Losing somebody and knowing that you'll never get to see their smile again or drink a beer with them or a share laugh.

I'll never forget the night of April 1st, 2016. I can remember it vividly to this day; Cody had me upside-down, more times that I can count, doing keg stands so he could snapchat it and send it to people so we could celebrate together and have a good time. I'll never forget riding home from pizza on April 3rd, next to my good friend Brian, and instantly knowing that something wasn't right by the way he was talking on the phone. I'll never forget Brian getting out of the truck and punching a concrete wall out of anger and heartbreak. I'll never forget wanting to do the same minutes later after he turned around and said, "Cody passed, man. He's gone". He had tears flooding his eyes and I'll never forget how he looked as he said those words.

I'll never forget this date for the rest of my life. I'll never forget quite a few days or dates in my life.

I've learned – from losing good friends and family members, to watching friendships and relationships crumble – that some things never get easier. Some will tell you that 'Time heals everything', but I don't believe that's always true.

Time will never heal your heart when a friend or family passes to early. What I've learned is that time makes it easier to deal with. Clocks tick, days pass, months go by and it gets easier to accept the fact that this is how life will be. You learn to love what you did have with the person while they were here, and you cherish the memories you made with them.

I can't believe it's already been a year since that call came though and we got the news that you'd passed. Keep watching down on us. May you rest in peace, my friend.

– BS

003 // What If

What if I told you about all my flaws; all the things I've done that are completely wrong, all of the ways I've messed up and about the things that I've said that have hurt or broken people. What if I told you about the lowest time of my life, when I sat and dealt with depression, all on my own in a town I wasn't too familiar with, for months. What if I told you about the times when I sat and wondered if I was ever going to make it.

What if I told you that I have sat and wondered if, with all of this baggage, I was going to ever find somebody that'd ever want to be with me or around me.

What if I told you that I've thought about giving up on my dreams.

I'm in Arizona right now for work. I'm sitting at a coffee shop in Scottsdale writing this. On my walk here, I listened to If I Told You by Darius Rucker and it got me thinking.

The list of the things I've done wrong is a mile long. Until a short time ago, I let those things bother me. I let them eat at me, which lead to more screw-ups.

What if I told you that all the things you've done wrong really are a part of the past; it's done and over with. What if I told you that the things you've said can be forgotten; you don't have to be ashamed about it. What if I told you that you're going to make it through the dark days and that those bad times are going to make the good times even better.

What if I told you that you are going to be okay? What if I told you that you are forgiven?

What if I told you that somebody will come along and it'll feel so right.

What if I told you that it's all going to work out.

You are going to be okay, you will make it. You are forgiven.

Somebody will come along, someday.

Don't give up.

– BS

002 // Oregon Winterfest

Got the opportunity to hang with and shoot Jemere Morgan, Jo Mersa Marley and J Boog's shows at the Oregon WinterFest this year. Here's quick recap of the night.

001 // Me

Hey y'all! Thanks for stopping by. For those of you that don't know me, or have only seen me on social media or whatever the case may be.. Hi. My name is Bubba Sellars. I'm a photographer, videographer, graphic designer; I'd kind of consider myself a jack-of-all-trades. My mind is all over the place. I do a lot of different things all the time. One day you might see me at a desk working and the next day, I could be out getting my hands dirty.

I was born and raised in Oregon. I lived in California for four months during 2013, moved back to Oregon for a year, then moved back to California for eight months. During September 2016, I moved from Klamath Falls to Bend. I love this place so much and the opportunity here is great. I moved here to pursue freelance photography and build connections with the amazing companies based here.

Moving to a new city and starting a business from the ground is hard. I only knew a handful of people when I moved here, and the main reason I had moved was because my girlfriend at the time lived here. That was a mistake, but it turned out to be the best mistake I ever made. During my first few months here, I wasn't really pursuing photography; I'll cover this in a future Journal entry. Long story short, I just had a lot of fun and spent a lot of money doing it.

I've never been a nine to five type of guy, but I've always been told by the people around me that I need something steady; a job that'd keep me afloat. Being in a different city, all by myself, and not having a "real job", my parents were stressed out (sorry for all the gray hair I've given you). Hell, I was kind of stressed about how I was gonna make it, too. Right before the New Year, I took a full-time position with a company here in Bend doing photography and videography.

Last week, I gave notice that I was leaving this job after some amazing opportunities were presented to me. I am very excited to announce that in the coming months, I will be living between Bend, Oregon and Scottsdale, Arizona. I'll be traveling back and forth for work, doing photography, videography and graphic design work for a few different companies and organizations. I'm also still taking on jobs in all of these fields as freelance work.

I am so damn thankful that I get to do what I love for a living. I get to travel and make art and hang out with people and this and that.. as a job. This last year has been absolutely wild. Thank you to everybody who's supported me, hired me, whatever. Y'all are the reason this is possible.

I'm so excited to see what this year holds and excited to write about all of it right here in my journal. Til next time.

– BS

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